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  • Writer's pictureDebbie Powers, LMFT

Is Your Perfectionism Causing Your Anxiety?

A recipe for letting go of perfectionism and finding joy…living without boundaries, being indivisible is our true self……

“Healthy boundaries” is having no boundaries.

The new psychological approach is to “set healthy boundaries”. But, in a compassionate world is this really healthy? Think about this for a moment. Compassion is the ability to live outside yourself and feel what another is feeling. True peace on earth would be for all humans to feel humility and compassion towards others. That would require one to see the world as ONE. We simply live in these bodies temporarily but we all come from the ONE.

Unfortunately, this does not happen, we create boundaries of color, race, sex, religion, and others, which all lead to a form of violence. Diagnostic labels create a subliminal form of violence. Bipolar, alcoholic, drug addict, anxiety, and depression are to name a few. Society will label this and separate others, which feeds the concept of perfectionism. Putting everything in a box creates pain. Holding on to the perfectionism creates anxiety.

Do you want to know where your anxiety is coming from? I would suspect you are holding on to a narrative, a form of perfectionism.

Sympathetic joy is the opposite of perfectionism. Perfectionism is a type of arrogance, that one believes that things should be the way they think it should be. This prevents the individual from experiencing sympathetic humility. To be humble is to break down the “boundaries," to expand the experience, to understand what another is feeling or thinking. It requires “letting go”.

Perhaps, you can only do this if you are secure in your own being. “Letting go” of your narrative is the first step to “letting go “ of perfectionism. Perfectionism is a prison in itself. Letting this go would require one to believe they do not know everything. Perfectionism is a rigid mind set of boundaries that imprison one.

We don’t know everything.

One would have to break down the boundaries of SELF, do away with self, and see another as myself. The enemy of joy is aversion. Joy is being able to expand or break down “boundaries” to feel the oneness of compassion of others.

Perhaps, according to this philosophy, one may say, those who have “healthy boundaries” lack compassion for others. What are labeled "healthy boundaries?" They do not know the concept of “do on to others as you would have them do to you”. In this sense “healthy boundaries” only feed the narrative of perfectionism.

Greed and hatred are born from separation with others.

Faith is the concept that something bigger than yourself catches you in the space of time.

The truth of happiness is being fluid with our being. Knowing that time only exists as the planet spins. Outside of this rotation, we return to the oneness of GOD. If I can get the concept that this Oneness is here within this time frame, open our hearts to compassion for others, let go of our boundaries, let go of our concept of perfectionism, let go of putting everyone in a box, of color, race, sex, religion, diagnosis, etc. We begin to experience true humility, we grow outside of our rigid walls, outside of our narrative, we expand and develop this body of faith that we are supported no matter who we encounter.

The virtue of harmony and compassion is the opposite of alienation. Like minded communities encourage this “healthy boundary” scenario. They will tell you: “If you do not believe as I believe you are wrong and I have to set a boundary to keep you out.” A true form of perfectionism. Perfectionism which leads to alienation and pain, and, eventually, suffering.

Love, joy, is a practice of making space for differences. When we concentrate on the differences.... we only turn back to ourselves which creates anxiety and pain. It can cause depression in some. It is only when we let go of our boundaries of self, allow ourselves to have humility so that we can experience what others are feeling and explore what they are thinking, that we are truly free from perfection.

Is the mind, the heart and the soul, and the body, enmeshed with perfection? Seeking awareness of perfection is the liberation of the heart to expand the space of your mind to embrace true love for others without boundaries, and limitations. Letting go of the rigidity that creates anxiety, living a life free of anxiety.

Your boundaries only create more anxiety and you subliminally concentrate on controlling the boundaries. This exasperates the anxiety and depression.

Let Go. Become enmeshed and one with others, lose yourself, lose your perfection, become fluid. Become loving to all beings, animals, plants and humans. Refrain from putting up those so called “healthy boundaries”. Nothing can hurt you when you live ONE with GOD.

See yourself as you truly are, INDIVISIBLE.

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