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  • Writer's pictureDebbie Powers, LMFT

Am I Enabling My Loved One?

Updated: Jul 18, 2019


Do you think you can fix them

Do you consider this a disease or just a state of mind, problem or bad habit.

”Do you feel you can somehow "control" their drinking?

Do you hear yourself saying; “he’s just depressed, not an alcoholic. That is why

he is drinking.

Do you ignore that your loved one is in danger because of their addiction?

Emotional Roller Coast

Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around the addict?

Are you afraid to show your true feelings around the addict?


• Do you find yourself lying to protect the truth from the addict because he/she may relapse? Or do you omit the truth to protect the addict?


Do you find yourself putting the addicts needs before your own?

Do you feel desperate about fixing him or her?

Do you say to yourself, it’s better than nothing...

Living in Fear

Are you really afraid that your loved one is going to die?

Are you afraid he/she is choosing you over the addiction?

Do you find yourself making unwise decisions out of fear.


• Do you find yourself borrowing money (second mortgage, loans from family or friends, etc.) to pay for another rehab?

Are you financially supporting the addict even when they are active in their addiction?

Are you going into to debt just to keep him/her happy?

Guilt and Shame

Are you constantly complaining about their behaviors? And scolding them?

Do you feel it is somehow your fault.

Do you blame everyone else but them for their behaviors? Do you think you

somehow caused the addiction


Are you angry or crying all of the time?

Are you bringing up the past constantly?

Appointments With Health Care Professionals

Do you find yourself on the phone finding rehabs, therapists, doctors, etc.

Are you making appointments for them? Attending the appointments

Do you find yourself overcompensating by seeking several opinions, never really

following one set treatment plan

Do You Believe It Is Possible For You Or Others To Cure The Addiction?

These are very hard questions to ask. The less we enable our loved ones, hopefully, the quicker they will find recovery. Yet, there are times we have to get involved to prevent something from happening to them. This is why this is very tricky.

Am I enabling or am I helping?

© Debbie Powers, LMFT. All Rights Reserved. Do Not Reproduce Without Permission.

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